Thursday, May 23, 2013

Thirsty Thursday: Drunk Uncle/Holly Edition

What is it with neighborhood solicitors?

*Knock Knock *

No means no Mr. Salesman. No, I don't care about my rising rates if I don't sign my first born over to your company. No, I do not need any cleaning supplies that is said to remove stains, the only stain I will need to remove is the stain your face will make when I slam it into the concrete if you do not leave me alone. And what's with all the magazines? I don't need someone to bring them to my house to get me to buy one, if I wanted a magazine I would buy them myself.
I don't care about your woes about college and getting to Europe so you can drink beer at McDonalds  And I really don't care how much you try to flatter me with all your youtube jokes you stole from that one kid. Just get off my lawn.
I know who God is, the fact you have to knock on my door and ask me is a bit disturbing, be careful the next time I might answer naked or blaring some horrible metal music to try and scare you.
I don't want any, I said it the first fifty times you asked, yet your trying to get my money still. I am starting to wonder how fast you will run if I unleash my dog on you right now.
As you keep talking I imagine my foot slamming violently into your throat and sending you flying off my porch young man with the laminated brochure, no I don't believe your story and frankly I don't give a damn.
I don't want anything, and everything I want I get it myself. GO AWAY!!

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